Hello Great Children,
When I was young, I recall my elementary school teacher bringing me to tears in the classroom because I was unable to perform the steps necessary in a long division calculation. I have always wanted to share this story with You, Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife.
You see, it was not that I could not learn and therefore understand mathematics. When Mrs. Smith brought me to the chalk board in front of the whole entire class, I felt nervous and a little embarrassed. On top of that, I did not know, at the time she asked how to 'do' long division. I felt really ashamed.
As time went on, I had never forgotten about this experience. Then, in my later years in school, I remember thinking to myself; "I can do this!" This was the moment everything changed for me, and here is the moral of the story.
I said to myself that the only reason that the 'smart people' are given the title "she or he is just so smart" was not because they were smart. It was because they had confidence, and they practiced - or studied the right subject material. So, I began to tell myself that I can do anything. I began to read my text books outside the class room. I began to study. This is precisely when everything changed, in terms of my grades in school.
So, I tell you; pay careful attention in class. Anticipate what Your teacher will say next, and in order to do this, You have to read Your text books and notes the day before. Not just because You may have a quiz or a test. It is in order to receive top notch grades. The most important lesson I am giving You is that school is so very important. It is also easy, as well. As long as You are prepared. As long as You practice. As long as you care.
If I were near, I would tell You how to care for Your school work at such a critical time in Your lives. I could help You achieve outstanding marks and grades.
This hurts.
I Love You Oshone.
I Love You 'Mari.
I Love You Kwaku.
I Love You Na'Zyia.
I Love You Ife.
Love,
Daddy
Sunday 29 May 2016
Saturday 28 May 2016
Oshone Osai, Amari Mos, Kwaku Kijana, Na'Zyia Babe, Ife Lia
I haven't been able to sleep, nor stop thinking of You. I miss You..
Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia, and Ife
Hello Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife.
I miss You with all that I am.
I Love You with more than I am.
I am forever sorry..
Love,
Your Daddy
I miss You with all that I am.
I Love You with more than I am.
I am forever sorry..
Love,
Your Daddy
Thursday 26 May 2016
Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia, and Ife
I have been home now for a bit now, after a long day at work. I have been doing nothing but thinking about You Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia, and Ife. Due to the fact that I am striving to be a better man, I feel very down on myself because I wish I were a better Father for You. I do everything in my life to make Your lives better. In addition to paying monthly child support, I set aside extra money for You as a trust fund. This is the man and Father I am.
Your beds and all the things I have bought for You sit in Your home (the home I am in) collecting dust. This hurts.
Always see the good in life. Know that I pray every day, and every night that You are all warm, comfortable, happy, and most of all, holding Love within Your hearts.
Love..
I Love You
Daddy
Your beds and all the things I have bought for You sit in Your home (the home I am in) collecting dust. This hurts.
Always see the good in life. Know that I pray every day, and every night that You are all warm, comfortable, happy, and most of all, holding Love within Your hearts.
Love..
I Love You
Daddy
Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife
From Daddy's heart;
Oshone , I Miss You
Amari, I Miss You
Kwaku, I Miss You
Na'Zyia, I Miss You
Ife, I Miss You
I Love You and most of all..
I am sorry
Daddy
Oshone , I Miss You
Amari, I Miss You
Kwaku, I Miss You
Na'Zyia, I Miss You
Ife, I Miss You
I Love You and most of all..
I am sorry
Daddy
Tuesday 24 May 2016
Oyo, Mari, 'Jana, Zyia Babe, Ka Ka
Hello children,
I have just got in from work. It is 11:58 pm on a Tuesday night and You are all that is on my mind.
I Miss You so much.
I Love You so much.
Love Daddy
I have just got in from work. It is 11:58 pm on a Tuesday night and You are all that is on my mind.
I Miss You so much.
I Love You so much.
Love Daddy
Monday 23 May 2016
Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia, and Ife
Hello again,
I was thinking today, while walking through all Your bedrooms that I preach positivity to everyone I know. That the legacy You (our children) leave behind should be one where You are consistently positive. But what exactly does this mean?
It means, from my point of view, that You should always look for the good in everyone, and in every situation You may find Yourself in. I see now, that I was correct in this assertion. That many of the philosophies I have held for many years, were not necessarily practiced by myself, but now that I am who I am, it is a rewarding feeling to embody only the good in life.
I wanted to also say, that I study Quantum Mechanics vigorously. I am such a student of science, that I wish only I were allowed to pass on what I know to You. An example;
Sub atomic particles such as electrons, which have a mass and occupy space (therefore, they are physical objects) are unique, in that they can be in two different places, at the exact same time. This means, nature has so many surprises up it's sleeve. The fact that virtual particles can pop in and out of existence, may be evidence that there are hidden dimensions in space. We know, for instance that there are three space dimensions, and one time in our Universe. However, there are theories of extra dimensions, where space may have ten dimensions. String Theory postulates such a theory.
I have so much more to say, but feel that typing these words, if read one day by You, would bore. I would give anything to see You and share my knowledge. I have so much to give.
I have paid over $15 000 in court fee's and $8000 00 in child support. I pray You are receiving the money orders I have sent. I have also sent birthday money, which I will continue to do. In Your bedrooms, I have clothes for You, and beds, lamps and so much more. I would give these things to You directly, but sadly, I am not allowed. I cannot even give You a birthday card. So, I am doing the best I can, without You knowing. This hurts very deeply.
But remember; look for the good in any situation You may find Yourself in. In this case, I not only see the good, but understand that none of this would have happened if I were a good man, through and through. I truly thought I was, but my eyes were opened wide. I can see all the things that I have done wrong, and look to correct my mistakes. To be a good person, from every thought, feeling, and then action I express is who Your father is now.
I want to say, that I am not delusional. I am not unrealistic. I know that I will never have a second chance at Love, but I may have a second chance at being with our children. Caring for You, and being a great father for You. This is what means everything to me. Unselfishly. I humble myself.
I Love You children,
Never doubt this.
Your Daddy
I was thinking today, while walking through all Your bedrooms that I preach positivity to everyone I know. That the legacy You (our children) leave behind should be one where You are consistently positive. But what exactly does this mean?
It means, from my point of view, that You should always look for the good in everyone, and in every situation You may find Yourself in. I see now, that I was correct in this assertion. That many of the philosophies I have held for many years, were not necessarily practiced by myself, but now that I am who I am, it is a rewarding feeling to embody only the good in life.
I wanted to also say, that I study Quantum Mechanics vigorously. I am such a student of science, that I wish only I were allowed to pass on what I know to You. An example;
Sub atomic particles such as electrons, which have a mass and occupy space (therefore, they are physical objects) are unique, in that they can be in two different places, at the exact same time. This means, nature has so many surprises up it's sleeve. The fact that virtual particles can pop in and out of existence, may be evidence that there are hidden dimensions in space. We know, for instance that there are three space dimensions, and one time in our Universe. However, there are theories of extra dimensions, where space may have ten dimensions. String Theory postulates such a theory.
I have so much more to say, but feel that typing these words, if read one day by You, would bore. I would give anything to see You and share my knowledge. I have so much to give.
I have paid over $15 000 in court fee's and $8000 00 in child support. I pray You are receiving the money orders I have sent. I have also sent birthday money, which I will continue to do. In Your bedrooms, I have clothes for You, and beds, lamps and so much more. I would give these things to You directly, but sadly, I am not allowed. I cannot even give You a birthday card. So, I am doing the best I can, without You knowing. This hurts very deeply.
But remember; look for the good in any situation You may find Yourself in. In this case, I not only see the good, but understand that none of this would have happened if I were a good man, through and through. I truly thought I was, but my eyes were opened wide. I can see all the things that I have done wrong, and look to correct my mistakes. To be a good person, from every thought, feeling, and then action I express is who Your father is now.
I want to say, that I am not delusional. I am not unrealistic. I know that I will never have a second chance at Love, but I may have a second chance at being with our children. Caring for You, and being a great father for You. This is what means everything to me. Unselfishly. I humble myself.
I Love You children,
Never doubt this.
Your Daddy
Sunday 22 May 2016
Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia, and Ife
I just want to say that I Love YOU all. That I miss YOU all. That I am forever sorry.
Daddy
Daddy
A beautiful change - Life has a way
Everywhere; inside me' there You are...
"Somewhere Over The Rainbow / What A Wonderful World"
"Somewhere Over The Rainbow / What A Wonderful World"
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Dreams really do come true ooh oh
Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top
That's where you'll find me
Oh, somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dare to,
Oh why, oh why can't I?
Well I see trees of green and red roses too,
I'll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world
Well I see skies of blue
And I see clouds of white
And the brightness of day
I like the dark
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world
The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands
Singing, "How do you do?"
They're really singing, "I...I love you."
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more than we'll know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world world
Someday I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top
That's where you'll find me
Oh, somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I? I?
Way up high
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Dreams really do come true ooh oh
Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top
That's where you'll find me
Oh, somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dare to,
Oh why, oh why can't I?
Well I see trees of green and red roses too,
I'll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world
Well I see skies of blue
And I see clouds of white
And the brightness of day
I like the dark
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world
The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands
Singing, "How do you do?"
They're really singing, "I...I love you."
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more than we'll know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world world
Someday I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top
That's where you'll find me
Oh, somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I? I?
Saturday 21 May 2016
Lessons for my children
Hi Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife
I worked very hard today, and spent the day with Momma Rose. She fell yesterday, and hurt her knee. She asked if I would take her to the hospital. Of course, I said yes. Her and I spend a lot of time together. Mostly, every Saturday. Just speaking about life, and I am given an opportunity to express all my faults, past and present with her. All the things I have done wrong in life, and how to work on being an improved person. She confides in me. I confide in her, although I do speak to almost everyone about the bad I've done in my life. How I strive, to be a better person.
Which leads to this; If I had the chance to speak with You, Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife today, the lessons of the day would be as follows:
You only live once (so profound but easily slighted by most) and I would speak these words on the subject:
Oshone, if You give your best efforts no matter what subject, and in no matter the situation, You will open greater windows of opportunity. You must be consistent in Your attempts at succeeding in all that You do. Whether it is in English class, working on a short story, or a creative writing assignment, to speaking with Your Momma about how You feel deep inside. About what upsets You, and also what makes You feel happy. Your effort in explaining will bring about clarity, and it will ensure what you say and mean are communicated effectively. I wish for You to be Happy. Always. I Love You, infinitely.
Amari, when You are honest, it will define You as a person. It will present an accurate representation of who You are to everyone. This next part is so important! When You are honest, the world around You will respect You. They will consider You to be a young man of high morals, and dignity. Most of all, Your family; You will earn the trust of. As a young leader, Amari Mosiah, Your family needs You to mean what You say, and say what You mean. So that when You speak, You are given automatic credibility because Your past will be a good indicator of Your current and future actions. Be honest. I know that You are, so these are words of reinforcement, from Your father. Though I am not there, You are always on my mind. I Love You, so.
Kwaku, do not be afraid. Put fear behind You, because it will prevent You from being the great man that You are destined to be. I trust in Your potential. I trust in Your greatness. What I am worried about is Your confidence. I wish for You to go forward with determination. Success is based on the journey of navigating hurdles and roadblocks. You will not always win the battle. But if You let one loss deter You, You cannot possibly win the war. You will win, "as long as You keep, Your head to the sky" as Sounds of Blackness once said. You will win, Kwaku! Trust in your preparation. Trust in the practice, planning, and studying that will make You the great man You will be. Trust in my words, because I Love You more than I Love myself. If I were allowed, I would hold You (as You once Loved me to do) and spread majestic beauty of Your Greatness!! Right into Your ears, so that You would have no doubts. No concerns. No fears. You will WIN!!! You, I Love.
Na'Zyia, between the exterior and the interior, it is what rests within a person that is most important. Do not focus on the perception given based on appearance. What glitters is that which is more often than not, not gold. The views You hold of yourself, should come from the type of person that You are. What makes You special, is the quality of Your character. You will shine brightest if You are true to Yourself. That You work continually on your attitude and personality are significant because this is the measurement that will carry You exceedingly far in life. Also, this will never waver or let you down. A persons appearance will waver, and will let them down. Never their character, if they have established themselves with high moral presedence! Build a character of patience, kindness, and empathy. Build one up, so that no one can ever tear it down. If I was there with You, this is the lesson I would speak on for the day. I prefer not to call it a lesson, because these words move fluidly throughout me. Also, the relationship with Your Mother and You must be unbreakable. I am certain it is, however, I feel great tests await. If I were near You, I would say "no one holds Your bests interest at heart, more than Your Mother". It is not difficult for me to say this, even under these circumstances, because I know Your Mother well. She is a good human being. She always does what she thinks is best. Part of being the good person I am trying to evolve into, is seeing things from another persons point of view. I am doing very well at this. Some say, "too well". The point is, look deep within Yourself, and find a way to transition this inner self, towards the out self. The inner, is most significant. Who You are, is who You are deep inside. Please know this. Your Daddy Loves You to the Skye and back. I really Love You!
Ife, Love is the most powerful force in nature; under the stars, and even beyond, back down to Earth and into the Oshone. Love is who You are, and what will guide you to do the right things in life. More specifically, Love is a combination of all positive emotion. My intention was to begin this with Laughter, however, I see Laughter as Joy. Joy as a reflection of smiles. Smiling, a good feeling inside. This good feeling, is at it's nucleus, Love. Please do not allow anything or anyone take this away from You. Neither Laughter, nor Love. Your Love will be tested. Know this; it is not within Your control, the behavior and words of those around You. What I am saying, is to always keep Love within You. Always maintain a state of Peace. Please. There are people who are not so nice, and then there are really nice people. Always focus on the positive. Remember, everything that can be stated in a negative way, can just as well be re-stated in a positive manor. Use Your gift of Love, to emphasize the positive. Know that my Love for YOU is boundless. Your hugs are the absolute best! As a daughter, (words of Love from Your father)Your Love for me was the absolute best! I Love You and I Miss You
This hurts
Daddy
I worked very hard today, and spent the day with Momma Rose. She fell yesterday, and hurt her knee. She asked if I would take her to the hospital. Of course, I said yes. Her and I spend a lot of time together. Mostly, every Saturday. Just speaking about life, and I am given an opportunity to express all my faults, past and present with her. All the things I have done wrong in life, and how to work on being an improved person. She confides in me. I confide in her, although I do speak to almost everyone about the bad I've done in my life. How I strive, to be a better person.
Which leads to this; If I had the chance to speak with You, Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife today, the lessons of the day would be as follows:
You only live once (so profound but easily slighted by most) and I would speak these words on the subject:
Oshone, if You give your best efforts no matter what subject, and in no matter the situation, You will open greater windows of opportunity. You must be consistent in Your attempts at succeeding in all that You do. Whether it is in English class, working on a short story, or a creative writing assignment, to speaking with Your Momma about how You feel deep inside. About what upsets You, and also what makes You feel happy. Your effort in explaining will bring about clarity, and it will ensure what you say and mean are communicated effectively. I wish for You to be Happy. Always. I Love You, infinitely.
Amari, when You are honest, it will define You as a person. It will present an accurate representation of who You are to everyone. This next part is so important! When You are honest, the world around You will respect You. They will consider You to be a young man of high morals, and dignity. Most of all, Your family; You will earn the trust of. As a young leader, Amari Mosiah, Your family needs You to mean what You say, and say what You mean. So that when You speak, You are given automatic credibility because Your past will be a good indicator of Your current and future actions. Be honest. I know that You are, so these are words of reinforcement, from Your father. Though I am not there, You are always on my mind. I Love You, so.
Kwaku, do not be afraid. Put fear behind You, because it will prevent You from being the great man that You are destined to be. I trust in Your potential. I trust in Your greatness. What I am worried about is Your confidence. I wish for You to go forward with determination. Success is based on the journey of navigating hurdles and roadblocks. You will not always win the battle. But if You let one loss deter You, You cannot possibly win the war. You will win, "as long as You keep, Your head to the sky" as Sounds of Blackness once said. You will win, Kwaku! Trust in your preparation. Trust in the practice, planning, and studying that will make You the great man You will be. Trust in my words, because I Love You more than I Love myself. If I were allowed, I would hold You (as You once Loved me to do) and spread majestic beauty of Your Greatness!! Right into Your ears, so that You would have no doubts. No concerns. No fears. You will WIN!!! You, I Love.
Na'Zyia, between the exterior and the interior, it is what rests within a person that is most important. Do not focus on the perception given based on appearance. What glitters is that which is more often than not, not gold. The views You hold of yourself, should come from the type of person that You are. What makes You special, is the quality of Your character. You will shine brightest if You are true to Yourself. That You work continually on your attitude and personality are significant because this is the measurement that will carry You exceedingly far in life. Also, this will never waver or let you down. A persons appearance will waver, and will let them down. Never their character, if they have established themselves with high moral presedence! Build a character of patience, kindness, and empathy. Build one up, so that no one can ever tear it down. If I was there with You, this is the lesson I would speak on for the day. I prefer not to call it a lesson, because these words move fluidly throughout me. Also, the relationship with Your Mother and You must be unbreakable. I am certain it is, however, I feel great tests await. If I were near You, I would say "no one holds Your bests interest at heart, more than Your Mother". It is not difficult for me to say this, even under these circumstances, because I know Your Mother well. She is a good human being. She always does what she thinks is best. Part of being the good person I am trying to evolve into, is seeing things from another persons point of view. I am doing very well at this. Some say, "too well". The point is, look deep within Yourself, and find a way to transition this inner self, towards the out self. The inner, is most significant. Who You are, is who You are deep inside. Please know this. Your Daddy Loves You to the Skye and back. I really Love You!
Ife, Love is the most powerful force in nature; under the stars, and even beyond, back down to Earth and into the Oshone. Love is who You are, and what will guide you to do the right things in life. More specifically, Love is a combination of all positive emotion. My intention was to begin this with Laughter, however, I see Laughter as Joy. Joy as a reflection of smiles. Smiling, a good feeling inside. This good feeling, is at it's nucleus, Love. Please do not allow anything or anyone take this away from You. Neither Laughter, nor Love. Your Love will be tested. Know this; it is not within Your control, the behavior and words of those around You. What I am saying, is to always keep Love within You. Always maintain a state of Peace. Please. There are people who are not so nice, and then there are really nice people. Always focus on the positive. Remember, everything that can be stated in a negative way, can just as well be re-stated in a positive manor. Use Your gift of Love, to emphasize the positive. Know that my Love for YOU is boundless. Your hugs are the absolute best! As a daughter, (words of Love from Your father)Your Love for me was the absolute best! I Love You and I Miss You
This hurts
Daddy
Friday 20 May 2016
For Kwaku
I Love You, Kwaku
This pain is unbearable. I will go on, being nice, kind, considerate and above all, holding Yourself, Ife, Amari, Na'Zyia, and Oshone within my heart. It is impossible for me to live without thoughts, feelings, and a broken heart every day, based on You not being near me. I Love You so much. I Miss You with all that I am. I have so much to be thankful for. The fact that You are wonderful children, and You.. You, whom I Love with all my heart, make me smile when I reminisce on the good times we shared. We used to play soccer in the summer time, and throw frisby discs and play water sports all the time, in the summer. We would throw footballs (nerf), and play with toy airplanes with joy.
I would encourage You to challenge yourself by instead of taking the elevator, run down the stairs for school. Then we would run up the stairs. If you are still doing this, then one of my dreams for You will be directly en-route. That You will be a superior athlete. I wish I were able to see You, so that I could show You more athletic and exercise drills. No one taught me the game of football, basketball, and the sprints and jumps in track and field until I was in my teenage years. It hurts that I am unable to show You the things I truly want to. Not to mention, all the areas of science and math and history I feel that You would enjoy. Writing essays, and how to put together a proper thesis report are things I know well, and it hurts I cannot share what I know with You.
I Love You, and I pray You never question this. I Live my life for You.
I Love You
Daddy
This pain is unbearable. I will go on, being nice, kind, considerate and above all, holding Yourself, Ife, Amari, Na'Zyia, and Oshone within my heart. It is impossible for me to live without thoughts, feelings, and a broken heart every day, based on You not being near me. I Love You so much. I Miss You with all that I am. I have so much to be thankful for. The fact that You are wonderful children, and You.. You, whom I Love with all my heart, make me smile when I reminisce on the good times we shared. We used to play soccer in the summer time, and throw frisby discs and play water sports all the time, in the summer. We would throw footballs (nerf), and play with toy airplanes with joy.
I would encourage You to challenge yourself by instead of taking the elevator, run down the stairs for school. Then we would run up the stairs. If you are still doing this, then one of my dreams for You will be directly en-route. That You will be a superior athlete. I wish I were able to see You, so that I could show You more athletic and exercise drills. No one taught me the game of football, basketball, and the sprints and jumps in track and field until I was in my teenage years. It hurts that I am unable to show You the things I truly want to. Not to mention, all the areas of science and math and history I feel that You would enjoy. Writing essays, and how to put together a proper thesis report are things I know well, and it hurts I cannot share what I know with You.
I Love You, and I pray You never question this. I Live my life for You.
I Love You
Daddy
Wednesday 18 May 2016
Oshone Osai - I am sorry. A deep and positive reflection for a person we both Love
There is only one human being on Earth I could Love. Only one I will ever Love. I pray every day. Every night. She is the mother of my children, and the lady I hurt most. I wish to make right, for all my wrongs. To prove I am different and I have changed. That I have made mistakes, and will take every precaution to be twice the boy I once was. To be a true man for you, my Love. I think of you every second of every day. I cry for you, as I have mistreated you in so many ways. For You, I would do anything. I will absolutely worship the ground you walk on. These are not only words. My actions will come through if you grant me the chance.
When we separated, I owned nothing. I now own a BMW SUV. I have a 4 bedroom house, with an extra room in the basement. I have furniture throughout our home, and I do this for You. I have a career, which will allow me to provide in the way I knew I should from the beginning. I am sorry I did not treat you the right way. But know that there is a place in a human, that when tapped, completely awakens them. I will sacrifice everything for You and Our Family.
I Love You and I Miss You so...
Deeper still.
I am Forever Sorry
To Hawaii .. In Hawaii (as I promised) is where we will go listening to Butterflyz
When we separated, I owned nothing. I now own a BMW SUV. I have a 4 bedroom house, with an extra room in the basement. I have furniture throughout our home, and I do this for You. I have a career, which will allow me to provide in the way I knew I should from the beginning. I am sorry I did not treat you the right way. But know that there is a place in a human, that when tapped, completely awakens them. I will sacrifice everything for You and Our Family.
I Love You and I Miss You so...
Deeper still.
I am Forever Sorry
To Hawaii .. In Hawaii (as I promised) is where we will go listening to Butterflyz
Na'Zyia- For You
Good morning beautiful Na'Zyia,
I Love You. I was thinking about us walking to school together. When I would walk You, we used to sing this song that I made up. It went "Oh, we're walking through the snow. And everyone wants to go home" except I would drag out the "Snow" and "Home" parts. Then You, Oshone, Amari and Kwaku would laugh so hard, and so long that it began making me laugh. Ife was not in school yet, but if You were there Ife, You would have loved it, i'm sure. Of course, I would sing "Except Na'Zyia that is" at the end of the song. Or, "Except Oshone that is" and You would all just love it so.
I keep thinking of reuniting with You, that it is very painful to go another day knowing you are not here or I am not there today, yesterday, and...
I will keep praying.
I will keep doing right.
I will live only with Love in my heart.
I will continue to invest in your todays, tomorrows until the day we see eachother again.
I Love You
Daddy
I Love You. I was thinking about us walking to school together. When I would walk You, we used to sing this song that I made up. It went "Oh, we're walking through the snow. And everyone wants to go home" except I would drag out the "Snow" and "Home" parts. Then You, Oshone, Amari and Kwaku would laugh so hard, and so long that it began making me laugh. Ife was not in school yet, but if You were there Ife, You would have loved it, i'm sure. Of course, I would sing "Except Na'Zyia that is" at the end of the song. Or, "Except Oshone that is" and You would all just love it so.
I keep thinking of reuniting with You, that it is very painful to go another day knowing you are not here or I am not there today, yesterday, and...
I will keep praying.
I will keep doing right.
I will live only with Love in my heart.
I will continue to invest in your todays, tomorrows until the day we see eachother again.
I Love You
Daddy
Tuesday 17 May 2016
For Amari Mosiah
Mosi,
For the last four years, I have Loved You and have missed You. I want to take a moment to say;
I Love You More Than I Love myself.
It is true.
This is true.
Your smile is so genuine and pure. I pray that you smile; always.
Daddy
For the last four years, I have Loved You and have missed You. I want to take a moment to say;
I Love You More Than I Love myself.
It is true.
This is true.
Your smile is so genuine and pure. I pray that you smile; always.
Daddy
Sunday 15 May 2016
Ife Lia'Jasiri
Ife, I Miss You from the bottom of my heart.
Ife, I Love You from the depths of my soul.
I am sorry. Sorry for being removed from Your life. A Father should find a way to be with his children (YOU). It has not been accomplished by me, which means I am not doing everything I can to be there for and with You. As much as I want to be there, I have been unconvincing to family court and for this; I am sorry.
Do not mistake this for how much I Love You. I mean what I say because it comes from within. And I say these words out loud. I Love You!
We used to play this game called "give it back", where I would try to play a magic trick on you, and hide a toy behind my ear. You were and I am sure, so smart because every single time I tried, You would immediately say "Give it Back!". I did not stand a chance! Every time, you knew the toy did not magically disappear. You knew! If I tried to press my ear against the sofa, to keep it in place, You would jump on me and again, immediately go straight to my ear, and take it back!
You are awesome.
I Miss You.
Deeper still..
I Love You
Ife, I Love You from the depths of my soul.
I am sorry. Sorry for being removed from Your life. A Father should find a way to be with his children (YOU). It has not been accomplished by me, which means I am not doing everything I can to be there for and with You. As much as I want to be there, I have been unconvincing to family court and for this; I am sorry.
Do not mistake this for how much I Love You. I mean what I say because it comes from within. And I say these words out loud. I Love You!
We used to play this game called "give it back", where I would try to play a magic trick on you, and hide a toy behind my ear. You were and I am sure, so smart because every single time I tried, You would immediately say "Give it Back!". I did not stand a chance! Every time, you knew the toy did not magically disappear. You knew! If I tried to press my ear against the sofa, to keep it in place, You would jump on me and again, immediately go straight to my ear, and take it back!
You are awesome.
I Miss You.
Deeper still..
I Love You
Na'Zyia
Na'Zyia, I am forever sorry.
I am not there in Your life, as a father figure and it kills me inside. If You could only know how much I care, how much I Love You, and how I'd give anything to be there for You...
If only You knew.
I am sorry. I say this time and time again, because this is me. This is how I truly feel. The fact that there is such a beautiful Na'Zyia who does not have her father in her life, kills me. I am forever sorry for this. Please know that I am trying as hard as I can. Trying to prove to the courts that they should allow a father who loves his children (YOU) so much that I would do anything to convince them to let me in your life. So far, they have not allowed me. I am sorry for this, as well.
You would run up to me, and give me the biggest kiss right before bedtime, and before I said a bedtime story to You. I would tell you about "The Snapper Fish".
"You see this fish. It's a snapper. Fisher man use trap to catch him. Some time rough rough weather come, and take away the trap with the fish in it. And this fish, will live in this trap. And the trap, will catch other fish. And feed him. Until him GROW BIG. And the trap get weak. And then, him just break out. Well it's just so, you must know".
You would ask me to tell you the story again, right after I finished. I would say, until such time. Tomorrow is a brighter day.
I Love You Na'Zyia Skye
And I MISS YOU so much...
Daddy
I am not there in Your life, as a father figure and it kills me inside. If You could only know how much I care, how much I Love You, and how I'd give anything to be there for You...
If only You knew.
I am sorry. I say this time and time again, because this is me. This is how I truly feel. The fact that there is such a beautiful Na'Zyia who does not have her father in her life, kills me. I am forever sorry for this. Please know that I am trying as hard as I can. Trying to prove to the courts that they should allow a father who loves his children (YOU) so much that I would do anything to convince them to let me in your life. So far, they have not allowed me. I am sorry for this, as well.
You would run up to me, and give me the biggest kiss right before bedtime, and before I said a bedtime story to You. I would tell you about "The Snapper Fish".
"You see this fish. It's a snapper. Fisher man use trap to catch him. Some time rough rough weather come, and take away the trap with the fish in it. And this fish, will live in this trap. And the trap, will catch other fish. And feed him. Until him GROW BIG. And the trap get weak. And then, him just break out. Well it's just so, you must know".
You would ask me to tell you the story again, right after I finished. I would say, until such time. Tomorrow is a brighter day.
I Love You Na'Zyia Skye
And I MISS YOU so much...
Daddy
Kwaku
I miss You so much Kwaku.
Yesterday, I stayed up late after work and watched videos of things we used to do. One thing was play Punch Out Wii. Tears filled my eyes while I watched Lil Mac fight his way through his competition. But when I watched him fight Super Macho Man, I broke down. We used to have so much fun together. The sorrow I feel, I do not wish upon anyone. It hurts, Kwaku, so bad. The fact that for all the time I have been separated from You, all I wanted was to be there with You. This is the worse kind of pain I have ever known. Yet, I blame myself. I apologize to You for me not being there in Your life.
I am sorry.
I want to show You about music, and all the different kinds. I want to teach You about Music Production, playing the piano, and synthesizer and how to create original compositions. You displayed a love for Music that I share. You would rock back and forth on the sofa to "Let's Make Muzik" while I played You the music we were making. You would say "ONEoak" in the most beautiful way.
This is too much for me to take. It hurts so bad, Kwaku. All I want is to be with You.
I am sorry.
Daddy
Yesterday, I stayed up late after work and watched videos of things we used to do. One thing was play Punch Out Wii. Tears filled my eyes while I watched Lil Mac fight his way through his competition. But when I watched him fight Super Macho Man, I broke down. We used to have so much fun together. The sorrow I feel, I do not wish upon anyone. It hurts, Kwaku, so bad. The fact that for all the time I have been separated from You, all I wanted was to be there with You. This is the worse kind of pain I have ever known. Yet, I blame myself. I apologize to You for me not being there in Your life.
I am sorry.
I want to show You about music, and all the different kinds. I want to teach You about Music Production, playing the piano, and synthesizer and how to create original compositions. You displayed a love for Music that I share. You would rock back and forth on the sofa to "Let's Make Muzik" while I played You the music we were making. You would say "ONEoak" in the most beautiful way.
This is too much for me to take. It hurts so bad, Kwaku. All I want is to be with You.
I am sorry.
Daddy
Amari
'Mari,
I am sorry. I wanted to do so much with you, as my first born son. I wanted to show you the world. Teach you about basketball, football, soccer. I wanted to show you how to run fast, and jump far. I wanted to teach you about mathematics and the stars. About life, and of nature.
I wanted to show you so much.
I am sorry I am not there.
I will remain positive that the day will come, where we see one another again.
I Love You Amari
Daddy
I am sorry. I wanted to do so much with you, as my first born son. I wanted to show you the world. Teach you about basketball, football, soccer. I wanted to show you how to run fast, and jump far. I wanted to teach you about mathematics and the stars. About life, and of nature.
I wanted to show you so much.
I am sorry I am not there.
I will remain positive that the day will come, where we see one another again.
I Love You Amari
Daddy
Oshone Osai
Oshone,
I Miss You. I have been missing you since the day I was not allowed to see you anymore. This began four years ago, when.. it hurts too much to speak of.
I need you to know that I Love You. I would never hurt You and I am sorry I have not been given access to You.
I need You.
I am sorry for not being there where I want to be. I am sorry for how you must feel towards me.
I am sorry for everything. I blame me. I place the blame on me.
I am sorry
Daddy
I Miss You. I have been missing you since the day I was not allowed to see you anymore. This began four years ago, when.. it hurts too much to speak of.
I need you to know that I Love You. I would never hurt You and I am sorry I have not been given access to You.
I need You.
I am sorry for not being there where I want to be. I am sorry for how you must feel towards me.
I am sorry for everything. I blame me. I place the blame on me.
I am sorry
Daddy
Saturday 14 May 2016
Friday 13 May 2016
A Song I Listen To - Deeply (Your Father Loves You)
Cris Williamson - Waterfall
'Sometimes it takes a rainy day
Just to let you know
Everything's gonna be - all right
All right
I've been dreaming in the sun
won't you wake me up someone
I need a little peace of mind
Wake me from this dream
That I have dreamed so many times
I need a little peace of mind
Oh, I need a little peace of mind
When you open up your life to the living
All things come spilling in on you
And you're flowing like a river
the Changer and the Changed
You've got to spill some over
Spill some over
Spill some over
Over all
Filling up and spilling over
It's an endless waterfall
Filling up and spilling over
Over all
Filling up and spilling over
It's an endless waterfall
Filling up and spilling over
Over all
Like the rain, falling on the ground
Like the rain, falling all around....
Sometimes it takes a rainy day
Just to let you know
Everything's gonna be - All right
I know, I know, I know all right
Filling up and spilling over
An endless waterfall
Filling up and spilling over
Over all
Filling up and spilling over
It's an endless waterfall
Filling up and spilling over
Over all'
'Sometimes it takes a rainy day
Just to let you know
Everything's gonna be - all right
All right
I've been dreaming in the sun
won't you wake me up someone
I need a little peace of mind
Wake me from this dream
That I have dreamed so many times
I need a little peace of mind
Oh, I need a little peace of mind
When you open up your life to the living
All things come spilling in on you
And you're flowing like a river
the Changer and the Changed
You've got to spill some over
Spill some over
Spill some over
Over all
Filling up and spilling over
It's an endless waterfall
Filling up and spilling over
Over all
Filling up and spilling over
It's an endless waterfall
Filling up and spilling over
Over all
Like the rain, falling on the ground
Like the rain, falling all around....
Sometimes it takes a rainy day
Just to let you know
Everything's gonna be - All right
I know, I know, I know all right
Filling up and spilling over
An endless waterfall
Filling up and spilling over
Over all
Filling up and spilling over
It's an endless waterfall
Filling up and spilling over
Over all'
Oyo Mari Kijana Zyia Ka Ka
I have returned home from work, with you, my children all over my mind. I Love You all so much. I miss You all with all my heart. And I am sorry from the depths of my being for not being in your lives.
I am trying to be in your lives..
I was thinking, that if I could change the past, how different I would have been. How I would have ensured that I loved your mother in a way that would have kept our family united, embracing Love throughout all time. There would exist only positivity and Love. It saddens me to know that I cannot change the past. What I can do, is focus on being the best human I can be. One who embodies Love and only Love. One who carries goodness and kindness in my heart. One who is confident in the victory of good over all other forces.
Only good, which is what I aspire to be.
I Love You,
Daddy
I am trying to be in your lives..
I was thinking, that if I could change the past, how different I would have been. How I would have ensured that I loved your mother in a way that would have kept our family united, embracing Love throughout all time. There would exist only positivity and Love. It saddens me to know that I cannot change the past. What I can do, is focus on being the best human I can be. One who embodies Love and only Love. One who carries goodness and kindness in my heart. One who is confident in the victory of good over all other forces.
Only good, which is what I aspire to be.
I Love You,
Daddy
Wednesday 11 May 2016
Oshone Amari Kwaku Na'Zyia Ife
Today I fell to my kneels for forgiveness. I have done much to be sorry for..
Hello children. This day (May 11th, 2016), I prayed in all your bedrooms. I have done the same in the past, however, today was different. I really prayed with an intention to speak with God. The following is how my day unfolded.
I arrived at work, and put on a brave face as I always do. This is because everyone see's this glorious light in me, but are completely unaware of my pain. The pain I hold and have because my children are absent from my life. On my lunch break, I was compelled to plead to the Lord for you, Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife to come back into my life. I prayed for someone else to come back into my life as well. This is where it get's deep.
In front of my co-workers, I kneeled and stared up at the Skye. I closed my eyes and began apologizing for all my sins. For all the wrong I have done in my life. For hurting a lady I truly Love and for not having the wisdom to facilitate her freedom. Her growth. For not having the knowledge to recognize that True Love is completely unselfish. It trusts! I have grown so much, spiritually that I am ashamed of my previous self. But I am getting off the matter at hand. Praying in presence of people, for the first time, was as though I was on a mountain top. So much light came to me. It get's deeper still.
I have arrived home, and after putting my work clothes away, and washing my hands and face, I continued into my daily routine. I kiss your photo's, Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife and say a prayer. I then open the Purple Velvet book that I cherish, and began reading. I wish to share this one particular quote that was gifted.
"By meditation upon light and upon radiance, knowledge of the Spirit can be reached and thus peace can be achieved". ~ Patanjali (B.C. 500?)
This gift (Purple Velvet) is truly special. Why could I not see this all, back then? I shake my head and look down upon myself, shamefully. Literally.
Then this happens! I recall feelings that speak to me. For example, the feeling that I am undeserving of Love after all that I have done. The quote from Patanjali, immersed me in deep thinking. Deep thoughts. My conclusion after heavy thinking is that, how could I have the audacity to believe that True Love will return to me. How could I insult this remarkable Lady by fighting for her, knowing the hurt I have caused. Seriously, how could I add insult to injury by not having the sense and sensibility to just leave her be. I overstand that it is not to be. That the best thing for me to do is move on with my life and wish happiness upon her. This is what should be done, by a man who has truly changed or says that he has. Feels that he has. Complete unselfishness, and just let her be.
With tears in my eyes...
I can't. I really really cannot. I can't move on. I can't explain why, but I just can't. I need Her. I need You, Children. I need to give, and not take a thing from You, and Her. I want to give until I cannot give any more. I wish so bad that my family could see my unselfishness. All my dreams. Let me describe one. One dream is to put aside my life, and focus on making all Your dreams come true. This means, Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia, and Ife- ensuring that you get all you deserve out of life. This means, ensuring She get's all She deserves out of life. I owe You.
I Love You
Night Night.
Love Daddy
Hello children. This day (May 11th, 2016), I prayed in all your bedrooms. I have done the same in the past, however, today was different. I really prayed with an intention to speak with God. The following is how my day unfolded.
I arrived at work, and put on a brave face as I always do. This is because everyone see's this glorious light in me, but are completely unaware of my pain. The pain I hold and have because my children are absent from my life. On my lunch break, I was compelled to plead to the Lord for you, Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife to come back into my life. I prayed for someone else to come back into my life as well. This is where it get's deep.
In front of my co-workers, I kneeled and stared up at the Skye. I closed my eyes and began apologizing for all my sins. For all the wrong I have done in my life. For hurting a lady I truly Love and for not having the wisdom to facilitate her freedom. Her growth. For not having the knowledge to recognize that True Love is completely unselfish. It trusts! I have grown so much, spiritually that I am ashamed of my previous self. But I am getting off the matter at hand. Praying in presence of people, for the first time, was as though I was on a mountain top. So much light came to me. It get's deeper still.
I have arrived home, and after putting my work clothes away, and washing my hands and face, I continued into my daily routine. I kiss your photo's, Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife and say a prayer. I then open the Purple Velvet book that I cherish, and began reading. I wish to share this one particular quote that was gifted.
"By meditation upon light and upon radiance, knowledge of the Spirit can be reached and thus peace can be achieved". ~ Patanjali (B.C. 500?)
This gift (Purple Velvet) is truly special. Why could I not see this all, back then? I shake my head and look down upon myself, shamefully. Literally.
Then this happens! I recall feelings that speak to me. For example, the feeling that I am undeserving of Love after all that I have done. The quote from Patanjali, immersed me in deep thinking. Deep thoughts. My conclusion after heavy thinking is that, how could I have the audacity to believe that True Love will return to me. How could I insult this remarkable Lady by fighting for her, knowing the hurt I have caused. Seriously, how could I add insult to injury by not having the sense and sensibility to just leave her be. I overstand that it is not to be. That the best thing for me to do is move on with my life and wish happiness upon her. This is what should be done, by a man who has truly changed or says that he has. Feels that he has. Complete unselfishness, and just let her be.
With tears in my eyes...
I can't. I really really cannot. I can't move on. I can't explain why, but I just can't. I need Her. I need You, Children. I need to give, and not take a thing from You, and Her. I want to give until I cannot give any more. I wish so bad that my family could see my unselfishness. All my dreams. Let me describe one. One dream is to put aside my life, and focus on making all Your dreams come true. This means, Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia, and Ife- ensuring that you get all you deserve out of life. This means, ensuring She get's all She deserves out of life. I owe You.
I Love You
Night Night.
Love Daddy
Tuesday 10 May 2016
Sorry
There is only one human being on Earth I could Love. Only one I will ever Love. I pray every day. Every night. She is the mother of my children, and the lady I hurt most. I wish to make right, for all my wrongs. To prove I am different and I have changed. That I have made mistakes, and will take every precaution to be twice the boy I once was. To be a true man for you. I think of you every second of every day. I cry for you, as I have mistreated you in so many ways. For You, I would do anything. I will absolutely worship the ground you walk on. These are not only words. My actions will come through if you grant me the chance.
When we separated, I owned nothing. I now own a BMW SUV. I have a 4 bedroom house, with an extra room in the basement. I have furniture throughout our home, and I do this for You. I have a career, which will allow me to provide in the way I knew I should from the beginning. I am sorry I did not treat you the right way. But know that there is a place in a human, that when tapped, completely awakens them. I will sacrifice everything for You and Our Family.
I Love You and I Miss You so...
Deeper still.
I am Forever Sorry
When we separated, I owned nothing. I now own a BMW SUV. I have a 4 bedroom house, with an extra room in the basement. I have furniture throughout our home, and I do this for You. I have a career, which will allow me to provide in the way I knew I should from the beginning. I am sorry I did not treat you the right way. But know that there is a place in a human, that when tapped, completely awakens them. I will sacrifice everything for You and Our Family.
I Love You and I Miss You so...
Deeper still.
I am Forever Sorry
Monday 9 May 2016
Oshone Amari Kwaku Na'Zyia Ife
I picture your faces, and such pain it brings me. The reason is, because I want to be there with you...
Your Father
Your Father
Tuesday 3 May 2016
For Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia, and Ife
A Terrifying feeling came over me;
That You would think I would ever leave You.. My stomach is immediately upset and I hurt all over my body. Seriously, it hurts in a different way. This pain is ceaseless. It will not stop, in my life. The pain of losing You. The thought that You would think I left You. This is the most impossible to imagine nightmare of my life. I have a feeling it will only grow worse. That there is much more pain and suffering for me on the horizon. I brace for this. All I known for the past 4 years is Pain. I wish this on no one. I am a good man, who has made mistakes in my life. One mistake could not ever, nor will not ever include leaving You. When I moved out of Your house, I made my way towards You every single day. I told those in my life that You, Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife come first before anything or anyone. Every one understood this. They knew then, and know now of my devotion to You. That I hurt in a way I cannot type. It is deeper than anything I have ever known. If You only knew how it hurts to write these feelings, but something inside me tells me to do this. To ensure that for those who have told me to give up on fighting for You, and for Us to be together again; that I have stood up and said NO! I will never give up on my children. Even if I am not allowed to see Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife, that my heart breaks every second of every day without You (my children).
Oshone, please know that I Love You and although I am well aware of the feelings you must have for me (not positive), I will fight to show you who I am. That I am a Father who will literally do anything. ANYTHING!!! ANYTHING for You. I am sorry. I am not upset nor am I angered. I am not a negative being.
I am truly a hurt Father
That You would think I would ever leave You.. My stomach is immediately upset and I hurt all over my body. Seriously, it hurts in a different way. This pain is ceaseless. It will not stop, in my life. The pain of losing You. The thought that You would think I left You. This is the most impossible to imagine nightmare of my life. I have a feeling it will only grow worse. That there is much more pain and suffering for me on the horizon. I brace for this. All I known for the past 4 years is Pain. I wish this on no one. I am a good man, who has made mistakes in my life. One mistake could not ever, nor will not ever include leaving You. When I moved out of Your house, I made my way towards You every single day. I told those in my life that You, Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife come first before anything or anyone. Every one understood this. They knew then, and know now of my devotion to You. That I hurt in a way I cannot type. It is deeper than anything I have ever known. If You only knew how it hurts to write these feelings, but something inside me tells me to do this. To ensure that for those who have told me to give up on fighting for You, and for Us to be together again; that I have stood up and said NO! I will never give up on my children. Even if I am not allowed to see Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife, that my heart breaks every second of every day without You (my children).
Oshone, please know that I Love You and although I am well aware of the feelings you must have for me (not positive), I will fight to show you who I am. That I am a Father who will literally do anything. ANYTHING!!! ANYTHING for You. I am sorry. I am not upset nor am I angered. I am not a negative being.
I am truly a hurt Father
Monday 2 May 2016
Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia, Ife
It is 2:39 pm
I have been consumed with You, Oshone
I have not been able to stop thinking about You, Amari
I have lost my breath every time I look at Your photo, Kwaku
I have agony and total sadness sitting here for all this time without you, Na'Zyia
I have tears of pain and sorrow not being able to unite and connect with you, Ife
Knowing that Your birthday is fast approaching, Ife, please know that I go to work, and spend my days thinking of how I would provide joy to Your life. It hurts so much that I cannot not be there so that you would know for sure how much I Love You.
I Miss You
Your Father
I have been consumed with You, Oshone
I have not been able to stop thinking about You, Amari
I have lost my breath every time I look at Your photo, Kwaku
I have agony and total sadness sitting here for all this time without you, Na'Zyia
I have tears of pain and sorrow not being able to unite and connect with you, Ife
Knowing that Your birthday is fast approaching, Ife, please know that I go to work, and spend my days thinking of how I would provide joy to Your life. It hurts so much that I cannot not be there so that you would know for sure how much I Love You.
I Miss You
Your Father
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