Saturday, 30 April 2016

Oshone Amari Kwaku Na'Zyia and Ife

Good morning,

Another day, and I can do nothing but Love and Miss You from far.  I miss you so..
I Love You Oshone.
I Love You Amari.
I Love You Kwaku.
I Love You Na'Zyia.
I Love You Ife.

I Just miss you like I have never missed any life form on this Earth.  I miss you..

I wanted you to know that when I moved out of your home, I moved in with two people.  One fell in love with me.  I have told her that I Love Your Mother, and am in Love with Your Mother.  I have told her that I know that I will never be given a chance to show the man that I am, and have become to Your Mother, but that this is all my fault.  That I have made too many mistakes with her to be given another chance.  I want you to know that I am honest with everyone in life.  That I do know how to speak with people well, but there is never any dishonesty.  I do not tell people what I know they want to hear, but that everything I say and do comes from the bottom of my heart.  This has been one of the greatest changes in my life.  That I have not had a beer or anything alcohol related for going on one full year (exactly 210 days).  I need to say this again, because it has also been a great change in my life.  I have not had a drink of alcohol for two hundred and ten days.  Not because I was told to, but because I want to be the greatest man, and father that walked this Earth.  I am on a path towards cleanliness and righteousness.  There is not one negative cell in my body.  I breath positivity.  I bring improvement to the lives of others. 

I do work extremely hard.  I have several accounts, and am growing financially.  There is an account set up for You, Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife.  Currently, I have paid $7000.00 in child support, but I am increasing the monthly payments as of May, 2016.  I will not speak of the court costs, and lawyer fee's but please know that I have paid them all with no one's help.  In fact, I pay for everything myself.  The reason I bring up the money is because if we never get to speak, I want you to know this of me.  That I take care of my responsibilities.  That I am a father that has a four bedroom house, with another room in the basement, my own car (it would amaze you to see what I'm driving and yes, it is big enough for us all to fit in), and so much more.  I have never been so well established in my life, and with hard work and honesty, it is growing.

I wish to again express my sorrow for all my wrongs.  For not being a good husband.  For not being a father that should take care of his family the right way.  For my failures in the past.  Please know that I am trying every second of every day to make up for my mistakes.  How you do your best is expressed through actions, and not words.  Let these words be a reflection of my actions.

I Love You Oshone
I Love You Amari
I Love You Kwaku
I Love You Na'Zyia
I Love You Ife

I MISS YOU

Tuesday, 26 April 2016

Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife - April, 26th/2016 2:57am

Oshone
Amari
Kwaku
Na'Zyia
Ife

I appeared, in this room.  They (these people) said you were all in there.  I opened the door, and held You, Kwaku, in my arms.  We stared in eachothers eyes, face to face.  I couldn't stop holding you.  I couldn't let you go.  I Love You so much.  I miss You so..  I couldn't speak, but you saw the Love and pain in my eyes.

I picked you up, Ife and held you.  I Love You Forever.  I kneeled down, and Oshone, you began to speak.  You let go of your anger, and spoke to me.  Amari, You joined in, by turning towards me and looking at me deeply.  Na'Zyia, you to turned and looked at me.  We all spent our time speaking, and learning of one another.  There was only Love present.  There was so much catching up.  The interest in our lives was the focus.  This moment was tremendous.  The moment was real...

I awoke from my dream.  This dream takes place every night. 

Instead of crying myself to sleep, I turned on the computer and expressed what had just taken place. 

With tears rolling down my cheeks, I am here.  I am displaying a sorrow I have never known. 

What I am saying is..

sorry

I Miss You

Thursday, 21 April 2016

Impossibly sorry..

For You,

I arose to the news of the unthinkable... 
And all I could think of is You. 

I am sorry.

Corinthians by Kwame James

I am a man forever shamed.  I am a human that embodies remorse.
I am sorry from the depths of my core. 
I am living a life of sorrow..
yet I strive to be a better man, every day.

"When the shadows form, Could curse the day I was born.
How could my Love transform, do wrong, hurt Mrs      .
Look deep within, and all I feel is shame.
I self blame ******* and then the ignorance I became.
So I poor tears on this page and empty out this flask of pain.
Love has never felt this way, but it will never be the same.
So I'm punished for absolute days, for all of my deeds.
I plead with the most high, but God will never forgive me.
See hate was your reward for your Love      .
But Love is patient, is kind, and is void of envy.
It doesn't boast, is never proud, and does not dishonor      .
I have failed You time again, so of Thee, I am unworthy.
Of the ways I have hurt You, I'm thankful You're now free.
Shine Love over our children, beautiful, and now breath.
That the truth shines bright, not by speaking but by proof.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Chorus

Bask in the joy of life, partake not in the drink of wine.
All concepts of the Cosmos not by chance but by design.
See time makes one wise, seek advice from wisdom speaking.
Love is not easily angered, nor itself is self seeking.
She taught these philosophies, Her care, forever inside me.
Her energy and enthusiasm grew this plant form from seed.
Her ora, Purple, sensitive.  Sympathetic, and considerate.
I've lost True Love, my fall accelerated, and is infinite.
Shattered to the core, internally.  Never Felt This Way our song.
But Love in the right manor, Keep no Record of Her wrongs.
For others, You're a person.  See me, You're Gods Form.
I see ALL, I was once blind, for four years, now I'm reborn.
To trust and to hold, I wish to, promote respect.
I promise, perseverance, and show Your Worth, provide protect.
How does a man display his all, within his own body.
Make a Lady know and feel that She is, his everything.

Chorus

Love in moments, while We danced to Noise of Art.
This pen bleeds out, from the sincerest of all hearts.
No words on Earth replace, erase, all that I've scarred.
I sacrifice my life for You, of bad ways I part.
Brightened days, I breathe, the best, ****** smile.
Love never fails, I dream, I've dreamt, and then I'll try.
Prophecies in the light of righteousness will never cease.
An undying Love believes, and forwardly strives out for peace.
The mention of the Holy Mount Zion, I grant to Thee.
But gradually, I realize we were not meant to be.
I'm Crying For You, I Cry Out, What You've Been Through.
I'm Kwame James, I Love You, I Love You, I LOVE YOU.
A Chapter a day, in the Bible of which I've read.
*****, I await You on my dying bed."

Friday, 15 April 2016

Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife

Hello wonderful children,

I just wanted to say that I Love You.  That I was speaking with a friend and telling them that You are such great children.  Too beautiful to live in the repetitive cycle of a broken family.  That you deserve the mother and father who brought you into to this world, together and happily in Love.  Giving you all the Love in the world. 

"A Dream.. a simple fantasy that I wish was reality"

I Love You

Wednesday, 13 April 2016

Oshone Amari Kwaku Na'Zyia Ife - a small thought

Hello Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife,

I wanted to share something with you. 

I think about you ALL, literally every second of every day.  Yes it brings me pain, because there is much I have done to re-unite with you, but I have failed in all my efforts.  However, I wanted you to know that if there were an email server connected to my brain, or if my mind was plugged into the internet, YOU would see that what I am expressing is true.  That I would flood page after page of all social media sites, and every viable outlet that I am allowed to use to show YOU that I am nothing without YOU.  That my life means absolutely nothing without YOU.  That I am so sorry..

More than all this,

I LOVE YOU

P.S. I speak so highly of your mother to all.  People are not permitted to say one negative thing about her in my presence.  Why?  I am defending my Love.  I deserve to be punished.  This is my punishment.

Daddy

Tuesday, 12 April 2016

To Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife

Dear Children,

I Apologize.  I am sorry.  I am regretful.  I am remorseful.

It goes deeper still..

Forever, I am impossibly sorry.

I Love You

Daddy