Sunday, 1 April 2018

Sunday, April 1st/2018 1:20 pm

Hi Oshone
Hello Amari
Good afternoon Kwaku
Greetings Na'Zyia
God Bless Ife

My heart breaks everyday, because I Miss You so Much.

I Love You

That comes from the Heart of..

Daddy

I Love You Oshone
I Love You Amari
I Love You Kwaku
I Love You Na'Zyia
I Love You Ife

With all that I am.

Daddy

Wednesday, 14 March 2018

11:06 pm - Wednesday, March 14th/2018

Dear Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia, Ife

I am here, without You.  You are somewhere in this world, and I am continuing this dream of mine; that we will someday be reunited.  I hold onto this dream because I want to protect You, Love You, and be there for You in every way that I am capable of.  I have not written as many letters to You recently, as I would like because believe me when I tell You; this hurts.  It is similar to reaching out for a cup of water when you're dying of thirst, knowing the cup is being pulled away from You, elusively.  I write these letters hoping they will land in Your hearts and minds, and that somehow, some way; You will want to spend time with me.  I am not allowed to come to You.  If I were given permission in the form of access, I would be by Your sides every day of my life.

I reflect on the bedtime stories I used to tell You, and the great times we shared when walking to school.  The songs that we would sing.  Do You remember "Moons full R.J.  See You in the morning"?  I share our memories often, but not so often that it breaks me down.  I do fall into persistent states of heartbreak, because our bonds were unbreakable, and I am afraid that they have been broken.  This form of helplessness is the leading cause of my pain, since the day I last saw You Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia, Ife.

I dream of You every night, and often wake up in the middle of the night thinking of You.  A re-occurring dream is that You do not remember me, and our beautiful times together.  That You sought an explanation for my absence, and I cry in front of You knowing that my response will be insufficient.  This, I have to live with.

I do not look forward to these letters because I wish to remain optimistic in the knowledge that we will be together again (as I said above and have reinforced throughout the majority of my letters to You).  I prefer to imagine that You're having a wonderful March break, and that You are thriving in school and are enjoying Your lives, the way You are supposed to.  I picture You smiling, Kwaku, all the time.  I picture You being focused and determined, Amari, all the time.  I picture You drawing and writing Oshone (I have a picture that You drew for me behind me on the desk in the living room right now which says the "Sky is blue icing, the lake is chocolate, the clouds are strawberries, I Love You Daddy"), I picture You loving everyone near You Ife, I picture You dancing and singing Na'Zyia. 

These thoughts, I embrace because I just want You to be in the presence of perfect Love.

Continuously.

I Miss You Oshone (I am sorry that I was not there for Your grade 8 graduation)
I Miss You Amari (I wish I could be there to watch You graduate this year)
I Miss You Kwaku (Please lift Your chin and smile)
I Miss You Na'Zyia (Please take care of Ife)
I Miss You Ife (Please do not cry)

I Love You

Love,

Daddy

P.S. I am forever sorry

Sunday, 18 February 2018

Sunday, February 18th/2018 - 10:08 pm

Good Night Oshone
Good Night Amari
Good Night Kwaku
Good Night Na'Zyia
Good Night Ife

Everyday of my life; I drown.  I wish this upon no one on Earth, or in the Heavens. 

I Miss You so much, Oshone, Mari, Kwaku, Zyia, Ife.  I never point the blame at none other than self.  Myself.  I was not a good husband. 

I am forever sorry.  I will cry for forgiveness until the day I die. 
I am SORRY.

I Love You Oshone
I Love You Amari
I Love You Kwaku
I Love You Na'Zyia
I Love You Ife

With all my heart.
Within every last drop of life that is me.. 

I Love You

..and I am sorry

Dad

Wednesday, 25 October 2017

9:10 pm - Wednesday, October 25th/2017

Good night Oshone
Good night Amari
Good night Kwaku
Good night Na'Zyia
Good night Ife

All day long, I have thought of You. 
I Miss You so incredibly much.

I Love You With All My Heart and I will always be good.
It is important for me to be good, because I want to be a good person.
I want You to have a good father because that is what You are deserving of.

I Love You Oshone
I Love You Amari
I Love You Kwaku
I Love You Na'Zyia
I Love You Ife

Love,

Daddy

4:09 pm - Wednesday, October 25th/2017

Good afternoon Oshone
Good afternoon Amari
Good afternoon Kwaku
Good afternoon Na'Zyia
Good afternoon Ife

I pray...

I just pray.

I Love You Oshone
I Love You Amari
I Love You Kwaku
I Love You Na'Zyia
I Love You Ife

I Miss You with all of me.

Always.

Love,

Daddy

Saturday, 21 October 2017

6:48 am - Saturday, October 21st/2017

Oshone
Amari
Kwaku
Na'Zyia
Ife

You are all I think about.
Everyday of my life; I pray to be with You.
I pray that I am allowed to give You all the Love I can have to offer.

I am forever sorry for not being there.

I Love You Oshone
I Love You Amari
I Love You Kwaku
I Love You Na'Zyia
I Love You Ife

I Miss You so much..
This hurts.

Love,

Daddy

Wednesday, 18 October 2017

10:51 pm - Wednesday, October 18th/2017

Good Night Oshone
Good Night Amari
Good Night Kwaku
Good Night Na'Zyia
Good Night Ife

I Love You with all my Heart
I Miss You with all my Heart

Love,

Daddy