Oshone Amari Kwaku Na'Zyia Ife

Every night is a nightmare for me without my children.

I woke up thinking (as I always do) about my love for you, Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife.  So many bad things were said to me about my Father when I was young, but when I grew in age, I learned that there are always two sides to every story.  Specifically, my father was supposed to be this monster who mistreated my mother every second of every day.  I learned that he did many wrongs to her, and they are not to be forgotten, but that life has a way of bringing the truth to light.  That I could at least see where and why he behaved the way he did.  That my heart breaks for my mother because no man is not to ever behave in a negative way towards any woman, especially the woman we love.  The essence of this paragraph is deeply seeped in understanding what goes through a persons head to cause them to do what they have done.

Once again, and most importantly, NO MAN is to mistreat a WOMAN!!

I will write about my life, and of course my love for you Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife for all my days.  Of how I miss you beyond words.  Of how I love you all, more than I could love any one or anything.  I just love and miss you...

Oshone, in your bedroom, in my house, there are many drawings that you gave me when you were young.  One in particular, is an outline of your hand.  The size of your hand, in the time it was drawn is very small, compared to how big you must be now.  The Judge (whom I am in a constant fight against to be able to see you) has not granted me access for visitation, so I am forced to stay away.  However, this does not prevent me from putting your photo's and pictures up around my house.  Or watching our video's.  Or listening to your voice on the songs you sang when you were small.  I have so much to show you, when I am allowed.  There is a song called "I Can Make Anything" that you sang.  It always brings me to tears to listen to.  I have a video where you and I went to Mamma Rose (Shawn Rose's Mother) house and spent a nice moment with her.  You were very young, but it is a reflection of the love we shared for eachother.  You loved me so much...

Yet, I love you so much more.

I Love you Oshone