Tuesday 3 May 2016

For Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia, and Ife

A Terrifying feeling came over me;

That You would think I would ever leave You..  My stomach is immediately upset and I hurt all over my body.  Seriously, it hurts in a different way.  This pain is ceaseless.  It will not stop, in my life.  The pain of losing You.  The thought that You would think I left You.  This is the most impossible to imagine nightmare of my life.  I have a feeling it will only grow worse.  That there is much more pain and suffering for me on the horizon.  I brace for this.  All I known for the past 4 years is Pain.  I wish this on no one.  I am a good man, who has made mistakes in my life.  One mistake could not ever, nor will not ever include leaving You.  When I moved out of Your house, I made my way towards You every single day.  I told those in my life that You, Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife come first before anything or anyone.  Every one understood this.  They knew then, and know now of my devotion to You.  That I hurt in a way I cannot type.  It is deeper than anything I have ever known.  If You only knew how it hurts to write these feelings, but something inside me tells me to do this.  To ensure that for those who have told me to give up on fighting for You, and for Us to be together again; that I have stood up and said NO!  I will never give up on my children.  Even if I am not allowed to see Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife, that my heart breaks every second of every day without You (my children).

Oshone, please know that I Love You and although I am well aware of the feelings you must have for me (not positive), I will fight to show you who I am.  That I am a Father who will literally do anything.  ANYTHING!!!  ANYTHING for You.  I am sorry.  I am not upset nor am I angered.  I am not a negative being. 

I am truly a hurt Father

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