Oshone Amari Kwaku Na'Zyia Ife

Today I fell to my kneels for forgiveness.  I have done much to be sorry for..

Hello children.  This day (May 11th, 2016), I prayed in all your bedrooms.  I have done the same in the past, however, today was different.  I really prayed with an intention to speak with God.  The following is how my day unfolded.

I arrived at work, and put on a brave face as I always do.  This is because everyone see's this glorious light in me, but are completely unaware of my pain.  The pain I hold and have because my children are absent from my life.  On my lunch break, I was compelled to plead to the Lord for you, Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife to come back into my life.  I prayed for someone else to come back into my life as well.  This is where it get's deep. 

In front of my co-workers, I kneeled and stared up at the Skye.  I closed my eyes and began apologizing for all my sins.  For all the wrong I have done in my life.  For hurting a lady I truly Love and for not having the wisdom to facilitate her freedom.  Her growth.  For not having the knowledge to recognize that True Love is completely unselfish.  It trusts!  I have grown so much, spiritually that I am ashamed of my previous self.  But I am getting off the matter at hand.  Praying in presence of people, for the first time, was as though I was on a mountain top.  So much light came to me.  It get's deeper still.

I have arrived home, and after putting my work clothes away, and washing my hands and face, I continued into my daily routine.  I kiss your photo's, Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia and Ife and say a prayer.  I then open the Purple Velvet book that I cherish, and began reading.  I wish to share this one particular quote that was gifted. 

"By meditation upon light and upon radiance, knowledge of the Spirit can be reached and thus peace can be achieved". ~ Patanjali (B.C. 500?)

This gift (Purple Velvet) is truly special.  Why could I not see this all, back then?  I shake my head and look down upon myself, shamefully.  Literally.

Then this happens!  I recall feelings that speak to me.  For example, the feeling that I am undeserving of Love after all that I have done.  The quote from Patanjali, immersed me in deep thinking.  Deep thoughts.  My conclusion after heavy thinking is that, how could I have the audacity to believe that True Love will return to me.  How could I insult this remarkable Lady by fighting for her, knowing the hurt I have caused.  Seriously, how could I add insult to injury by not having the sense and sensibility to just leave her be.  I overstand that it is not to be.  That the best thing for me to do is move on with my life and wish happiness upon her.  This is what should be done, by a man who has truly changed or says that he has.  Feels that he has.  Complete unselfishness, and just let her be.

With tears in my eyes...

I can't.  I really really cannot.  I can't move on.  I can't explain why, but I just can't.  I need Her.  I need You, Children.  I need to give, and not take a thing from You, and Her.  I want to give until I cannot give any more.  I wish so bad that my family could see my unselfishness.  All my dreams.  Let me describe one.  One dream is to put aside my life, and focus on making all Your dreams come true.  This means, Oshone, Amari, Kwaku, Na'Zyia, and Ife- ensuring that you get all you deserve out of life.  This means, ensuring She get's all She deserves out of life.  I owe You.

I Love You

Night Night.

Love Daddy